I miss turds
It sounds funny to say, but I miss turds. For the uninitiated excrement comes in several different types determined by consistency and smell. Diarrhea is the most liquid form of excrement and generally has the worst smell. Diarrhea has the ability to squirt out from the diaper and all over the outfit your child is wearing. Diarrhea is never a good sign either of your child's health or your immediate future. Cleaning up a diarrhea explosion will generally require several wipes and a good run through the laundry.
Shit is a step up from diarrhea. It has a slightly more solid consistency but an awful smell. Shit has a less explosive quality, but is more prone to ooze out of the diaper your child is wearing. If caught early, shit can be cleaned up with several wipes, but if left unchecked will require a run through the laundry.
Crap is a step up from shit. Again it is a more solid consistency and a if-you-can-call-it-more-pleasant smell, after all crap is still crap. Crap is less likely to ooze out of the diaper. It's still a several wiper, but at least it's not likely to get on you. It's somewhat difficult to determine the difference between shit and crap without letting it sit there.
Poop is just a step down from turds. It lacks the solid consistency and still has a smell. It doesn't require many wipes and lacks the smear quality found in crap or shit. For lack of a turd, I'd take a poopy diaper.
Turd is the creme-de-la-creme of excrement. It's generally solid and has very little smell. It requires few if any wipes and can be cleaned up easily. In fact it makes so little mess that after you pluck it out of the diaper, you could reuse it if you were really pressed.
I've been reminiscing on turds because it's been a while since I've had to clean up a diaper with turds. It's almost to the point where I feel like asking the doctor if he shouldn't be having some more turds by this point.
As if responding to this posting, later that night there was a turd sighting. But like the Loch Ness Monster, the turds have not shown up again. If my wife weren't there to witness the occasion, I doubt she'd have believed me.
Shit is a step up from diarrhea. It has a slightly more solid consistency but an awful smell. Shit has a less explosive quality, but is more prone to ooze out of the diaper your child is wearing. If caught early, shit can be cleaned up with several wipes, but if left unchecked will require a run through the laundry.
Crap is a step up from shit. Again it is a more solid consistency and a if-you-can-call-it-more-pleasant smell, after all crap is still crap. Crap is less likely to ooze out of the diaper. It's still a several wiper, but at least it's not likely to get on you. It's somewhat difficult to determine the difference between shit and crap without letting it sit there.
Poop is just a step down from turds. It lacks the solid consistency and still has a smell. It doesn't require many wipes and lacks the smear quality found in crap or shit. For lack of a turd, I'd take a poopy diaper.
Turd is the creme-de-la-creme of excrement. It's generally solid and has very little smell. It requires few if any wipes and can be cleaned up easily. In fact it makes so little mess that after you pluck it out of the diaper, you could reuse it if you were really pressed.
I've been reminiscing on turds because it's been a while since I've had to clean up a diaper with turds. It's almost to the point where I feel like asking the doctor if he shouldn't be having some more turds by this point.
As if responding to this posting, later that night there was a turd sighting. But like the Loch Ness Monster, the turds have not shown up again. If my wife weren't there to witness the occasion, I doubt she'd have believed me.
posted by mypetrock at 1:32 PM
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