Sometimes it's hard not to believe
I had my first crisis of faith when I was very young. Being Catholic you get used to crossing yourself at the beginning of a prayer and at the end of a prayer. So I got the idea that it was like [prayer]Praying[/prayer]. So everything you did while you were praying like saying the words or being in church was prayer. But one day I forgot whether I'd crossed myself an odd number of times or an even number of times. But how was eating a PB&J snadwich supposed to be prayerful? I could be a good kid from there on out, but I actually didn't that of that as an option. I don't remember how I resolved my crisis of faith, but it set the stage for my later "conversion" to Atheism.
So I don't believe in God. On the plus side, it means that my weekends are even more free. I feel that it is more intellectually honest to not believe in God than it is to believe in God and also that the Indians, Greeks, Romans and other non-Judeo-Christian cultures were quaint for believing in multiple gods or other animistic beliefs. But that doesn't always mean that it's easy.
There are things that I miss about going to church. I miss the built-in community. I miss the assuredness of a patriarch looking down upon the world and shaping it. I miss the reassurance that when you die you go to a better place. I miss the ceremonies that you get to share with friends and family, welcoming new members, celebrating their milestones, sharing their joy, and sending them on to their final resting place.
At this time, it's the last part that is getting me. I wrote yesterday about asking people to keep my brother and his family in your thoughts. The conventional manner of asking that is also to include "and prayers." But as an atheist, I can't really honestly ask for that. And when my brother's niece passes away, I'd like to imagine that she is going to a better place, but as an atheist I don't believe in Heaven. I know what her suffering is ending, but is that the same thing? I suppose that's why I doubt that I would have the courage to do what her parents are doing.
They say that there are no atheists in foxholes. I can see why they have trouble holding on to the "faith."
So I don't believe in God. On the plus side, it means that my weekends are even more free. I feel that it is more intellectually honest to not believe in God than it is to believe in God and also that the Indians, Greeks, Romans and other non-Judeo-Christian cultures were quaint for believing in multiple gods or other animistic beliefs. But that doesn't always mean that it's easy.
There are things that I miss about going to church. I miss the built-in community. I miss the assuredness of a patriarch looking down upon the world and shaping it. I miss the reassurance that when you die you go to a better place. I miss the ceremonies that you get to share with friends and family, welcoming new members, celebrating their milestones, sharing their joy, and sending them on to their final resting place.
At this time, it's the last part that is getting me. I wrote yesterday about asking people to keep my brother and his family in your thoughts. The conventional manner of asking that is also to include "and prayers." But as an atheist, I can't really honestly ask for that. And when my brother's niece passes away, I'd like to imagine that she is going to a better place, but as an atheist I don't believe in Heaven. I know what her suffering is ending, but is that the same thing? I suppose that's why I doubt that I would have the courage to do what her parents are doing.
They say that there are no atheists in foxholes. I can see why they have trouble holding on to the "faith."
posted by mypetrock at 1:19 PM
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