The Man's Role in Breastfeeding
La Leche League is starting up a new group in University City. So my wife and I usually go to the group in Creve Couer, but we decided to go to the meeting last night (we're really not "La Leche League junkies", as one mother put it). It was an interesting meeting. There were three pregnant couples, a couple of new moms, and a couple of experienced moms at the meeting. The topic was "The Baby Arrives - Getting Started" and it was about how to get started, what expectations poeple had about breastfeeding, and how the experienced mothers' realities differed from their expectations. My wife and I could tell that the leaders were a bit new to being leaders - their explanations on latch and positioning were definitely not as clear as what we've seen before and the meeting was a little less interactive than we're used to. We'll be going back though. If nothing else it is much closer than our other meeting. Not that we probably won't still be going to that one. But we're not junkies.
The most interesting part of the night came at the end of the meeting. One of the dads-to-be piped up "So what's the father's role in all this?" You've never seen a more perplexed group of LLLers. At the time the more experienced folks didn't come up with a very compelling list, but with more time I've been able to come up with some more.
1. A Pillar In your home Be supportive. Especially at the beginning breastfeeding can be very stressful and frustrating. Your support does wonders for paving the way for its eventual success.
2. No one comes to the mother but through you. Play the gate keeper. It is important that mother and child get some time to bond and recover from the experience of birth. If you need to screen out well-wishing family and friends to make that happen, do it.
3. Help! I need somebody. Play the voice of reason. When my wife was experiencing trouble at first, she was determined to muddle through it on her own. It wasn't until I picked up the phone, dialed it, and placed it to her ear that she talked to someone about what was going on. And it helped.
4. Clean up on aisle 12 Clean the baby. The first diaper is kind of exciting. But no one looks forward to changing the 43rd diaper. That said, managing your baby's output is one of the only parts of the process that doesn't require that the person doing it is actively lactating. Baths are also fun and a good time to bond with your child.
5. I am a domestic god. Cooking, cleaning, and washing clothes may not be something that you are good at, but it frees up your wife to do other things like shower or sleep.
6. The Human Pacifier. Learn how to soothe your baby. When your baby is screaming, he can't eat even if he's hungry. And there is only so much that your sleep-deprived wife will be able to do. For Oliver, I discovered that my pinkie was a decent pacifier when he just needed something in his mouth to settle down. But walking, rocking, and singing are all things that dads can do as well as moms.
7. Need a hand. Be an extra set of hands. One of the "cute" things that Oliver would do when my wife went to nurse him was to cross his arms in front of his face and then complain because he couldn't eat. I was needed to lend a hand as my wife was already busy with her own hands and couldn't get to his arms.
8. Hunt and gather the pillows. When your wife is breastfeeding, she needs to bring Mohammad to the mountain rather than bring the mountain to Mohammad. Make sure that she has enough pillows so that she can keep the baby supported and herself comfortable during the feeding.
9. Fetch the child. If you opt for a separate nursery, you may be required to get up at night and get the baby when it is time for him to eat. Getting the baby seems like a small thing, but your wife doesn't have to wake up as much and will be able to go back to sleep faster after the feeding is done.
This is a small list, but it is a good starting point for things that you can do as a father to both be involved in parenting and breastfeeding.
Happy Father's Day, guys.
The most interesting part of the night came at the end of the meeting. One of the dads-to-be piped up "So what's the father's role in all this?" You've never seen a more perplexed group of LLLers. At the time the more experienced folks didn't come up with a very compelling list, but with more time I've been able to come up with some more.
1. A Pillar In your home Be supportive. Especially at the beginning breastfeeding can be very stressful and frustrating. Your support does wonders for paving the way for its eventual success.
2. No one comes to the mother but through you. Play the gate keeper. It is important that mother and child get some time to bond and recover from the experience of birth. If you need to screen out well-wishing family and friends to make that happen, do it.
3. Help! I need somebody. Play the voice of reason. When my wife was experiencing trouble at first, she was determined to muddle through it on her own. It wasn't until I picked up the phone, dialed it, and placed it to her ear that she talked to someone about what was going on. And it helped.
4. Clean up on aisle 12 Clean the baby. The first diaper is kind of exciting. But no one looks forward to changing the 43rd diaper. That said, managing your baby's output is one of the only parts of the process that doesn't require that the person doing it is actively lactating. Baths are also fun and a good time to bond with your child.
5. I am a domestic god. Cooking, cleaning, and washing clothes may not be something that you are good at, but it frees up your wife to do other things like shower or sleep.
6. The Human Pacifier. Learn how to soothe your baby. When your baby is screaming, he can't eat even if he's hungry. And there is only so much that your sleep-deprived wife will be able to do. For Oliver, I discovered that my pinkie was a decent pacifier when he just needed something in his mouth to settle down. But walking, rocking, and singing are all things that dads can do as well as moms.
7. Need a hand. Be an extra set of hands. One of the "cute" things that Oliver would do when my wife went to nurse him was to cross his arms in front of his face and then complain because he couldn't eat. I was needed to lend a hand as my wife was already busy with her own hands and couldn't get to his arms.
8. Hunt and gather the pillows. When your wife is breastfeeding, she needs to bring Mohammad to the mountain rather than bring the mountain to Mohammad. Make sure that she has enough pillows so that she can keep the baby supported and herself comfortable during the feeding.
9. Fetch the child. If you opt for a separate nursery, you may be required to get up at night and get the baby when it is time for him to eat. Getting the baby seems like a small thing, but your wife doesn't have to wake up as much and will be able to go back to sleep faster after the feeding is done.
This is a small list, but it is a good starting point for things that you can do as a father to both be involved in parenting and breastfeeding.
Happy Father's Day, guys.
posted by mypetrock at 7:14 AM
2 Comments:
Excellent list! Maybe you should write a New Dads book. One that goes beyond the "Bring home the bacon!" advice that most traditional sources have for new dads. It's about time someone started telling dads that you're not incompetent like the idiots in the J.C. Penney commercials. Dads can be excellent parents too.
One other thing I might add to your list is active assistance with the breastfeeding. At first I really needed Paul's help to get Ellie positioned and latched on. Then I love love loved having him rub my feet or read to me while I nursed in the middle of the night those first 2 weeks when we were both home full time.
I was trying to get at active help with the "Need a Hand" point. I glossed over anything that might have to do with massage because my wife might read this, but it actually something that would be really helpful. I didn't think of entertainment as another option, but you are certainly right.
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